My sink is full

Relevant To Your Interests #12

Illustration: Léo Hamelin

Hey how are you?

Me? Thanks for asking! My sink is full.

That’s a term I learned from my dog trainer. We’ve been working on a programme for my new rescue dog, Bella, who’s “reactive”. (That’s canine code for “She’s bitey”).

During our first session, the trainer explained that during a day in the life of a dog, stuff happens that turns their “taps”. The hot tap represents the nice things—playing with toys, going on walks, getting treats. Meanwhile, the cold tap is the stressful events—loud noises, frustration, unexpected changes. Throughout the day, both taps get turned, and the sink fills up. Eventually, if too much gets added, the sink overflows. Me too, Bella, me too. 

You might've heard of Spoon Theory, Christine Miserandino’s metaphor for dealing with chronic illness. It explains how people with chronic conditions start each day with limited energy (one spoon = one unit). I relate to the need of carefully managing my energy, but as someone who doesn’t have a chronic illness, I’ve always felt uncomfortable using Spoon Theory. Whereas I’m fine borrowing a concept that explains my dog’s psychology.

As soon as the trainer said that Bella’s sink was full, I grasped the idea—maybe because the connection between water and emotions is intuitive. Or it’s just kind of gross but also cleansing to think about the idea of snaking the drain of the mind.

Either way, the idea has given me permission to acknowledge that sometimes, even positive experiences can be overwhelming. So, I've been working on keeping the water from overflowing.

Examples of things that have filled my sink lately:

• Dinner with new friends (hot tap)

• Dishwasher breaking (cold tap)

• A week-long holiday with old friends (🌞)

• Two-hour flight delay home (🥶)

What about you? What fills your sink? What blocks it? How far can I push this metaphor?

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✨ sOmE pErSoNaL nEwS ✨

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Stuff I’ve bought/read/watched/listened to that you might enjoy as well. (The book links are Bookshop.org affiliate links and I may get a commission if you purchase):

• I saw Thelma in the cinema last night; it’s been a while since I’ve seen a good buddy movie. While it might not be a cinematic masterpiece, I thoroughly enjoyed it because it reminded me of my own grandparent, who, like Thelma, has a habit of carrying out OTT errands and obsessive missions.

• TV-wise, I've just finished Dawson's Creek. To be clear, this wasn't a re-watch because I never actually caught it when it first aired (I know, I know!). To summarise my thoughts: I’m pro-Pacey. I also listened to the Dawson's Critique podcast wrap-up, which was a cathartic way of finishing the show. (BTW UK readers, you know that Dawson’s is on ITVX for free??)

• It took me months to finish Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver, but it was worth every minute. My perfect book: long, immersive, and draws you into the rich inner worlds of complex characters. My sole critique is that the ending jarred a bit with the rest of the novel, but don't let that stop you from reading it.

• I recently went to the make-up counter in Selfridges with my best friend and we bought matching lipglosses, something I've not done since I was in my teens. We got the Lisa Eldridge Embrace glosses; I got the shade Blush Lightly (I'm cool-toned) and she got the warm-toned version, Blush. It felt both grown-up and delightfully youthful at the same time.

• I read Rachel Aviv's Strangers to Ourselves last year, but I'm recommending it now because I know her profile has grown since her Lucy Letby New Yorker article. Aviv is hands down my favourite journalist—her writing is compassionate and incisive and her signature style is using diary entries to augment her reporting. Her debut book was exceptional, exploring mental health with nuance and depth.

• My favourite comedian right now is Zarna Garg. I loved her One in a Billion special on Amazon Prime - her take on being an Indian immigrant mom is hilarious. She also has a fun podcast with her entire family. It's chaotic but in the best way.

• Speaking of comedians, I've realised that I've never mentioned the Elis James and John Robins podcast in any of my recs, despite listening to it religiously. I love a show built around two friends just chatting. It’s deeply silly, but also well-observed and at points quietly touching.

• I first came across Rumble Strip, a podcast about rural Vermont, when one of its episodes was syndicated on RadioLab. I've since gone through the back catalogue and can’t get enough of its slice-of-life, small-town charm.

• I'll confess: I only pay for the NYT for the Games app. I figure that a word puzzle app is better than doomscrolling. I haven't quite got the hang of their new game, Strands, but I'm liking the challenge.

• I whizzed through My Favourite Mistake by Marian Keyes. I've read all of the books in the Walsh sister series, including the recent-ish Rachel Walsh sequel. This one follows up on Anna Walsh; it's fun and full of Keyes' trademark wit, but not my favourite in the franchise. Still, it's an ideal summer read.

• And lastly, I went on my first proper summer holiday in years this month, and had a real sandal conundrum. As someone with big, flat feet, summer shoes are a challenge. I bought a pair of the Birkenstock Arizona sandals for the trip and the hype is real. Timeless yet trendy and above all else, actually comfortable.

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