I felt this inside my soul. Purpose and structure and projects have a shelf life but the person who creates those things is fluid and constant. It’s so so hard to reconcile that with the need to grow beyond a beginning, especially when the tool remains the same. Writing. Writing is the constant. The “for what, to who, when, about what and how” will always, should always, change, just like you do. I love when these pop up and in many ways I love them more now they are not following any kind of rule, be that subject, rate, structure. You’re the constant that flows through the newsletter and I think it’s you we’re all still here for, in whatever shape you choose to share yourself.
Hi Anna - writing doesn't always has to have a purpose unless you're being paid to churn out the words. It can be a lot of fun to share your thoughts with total strangers and see where it lands. I've just read your piece (I'm in Western Australia) and you've made me pause for a moment to reflect on my own life. Look forward to reading your next installment - Rhu
That was so profound and so relatable wow thank you for this raw honesty and vulnerability. I wish I had read this when I stopped (gave up?) On my journalism career, it would have helped me understand what I was feeling at the time and after that.
Thanks so much, Claire. I think a lot of what drives me to write about how work makes us feel is how bad I felt about my career for so long because these kinds of conversations weren't happening (or at least not in the circles I was in).
Thank you! I’ve had my ”professional brand” in Finnish creative market for 7 years (podcast, blog, speaking gigs etc.) and now that I’m pivoting, it feels so hard. Like I’m pulling an arm off, or both of them. It took me a whole year to actually say out loud (or write) that the podcast has ended. So hard! So this helped a lot, so thankful you took the time to write this. ☺️
I related this post to leaving my finance career two years ago. I'm happy I left. But I still have upsetting dreams about being back at the Firm in humiliating or soul crushing circumstances. Like you did with your newsletter, I left of my own accord, but the specter of loss is still there.
I was so glad to see your name and A-Mail pop up in my email. And glad to read an essay that made me understand myself better.
I always appreciate your comments and insights so much, David :)
I was talking to a friend recently who recently made a career change and she was saying she was mourning the loss of her former identity. Even when the next chapter is exciting, there's still something we're leaving behind.
Love this piece Anna. Like Hannah says below- we come back for your writing, regardless of the subject, because you have a way of really resonating. I always learn something, or am encouraged to reflect on my own freelancing/journalism journey. This time, I think you've really opened up that conversation about 'career loss' . Journalism and writing are real vocations: You don't fall into it, you work your arse off to get and then stay in it, and it becomes part of who you are. With so many journo layoffs and the crappy pay for freelancers, there must be loads of us all going through this loss of self/ reinvention of self. I think you've done a brilliant job through your newsletter over the years, of showing us that we can still be 'journalists' in identity even if we're earning most of our money elsewhere. I'm currently on a 'break' from journalism but hoping to go back to it in a reinvented form - your newsletter has helped me deal with feelings of failure around this and earning money from non journo work as a freelancer. So thank you! Be proud of your newsletter! Xxx
Loved this Anna! I’m just about to move from somewhere I’ve been living for 8 years and whilst it should be a happy move, I’ve been feeling a bubbling undercurrent of something ever since our offer was accepted. Reading your piece made me see it for what it is, ‘a no-one died kind of loss..’ It’s a loss I need to acknowledge as the place I’m in has been so special for me in so many ways, that is probably hadn’t acknowledged until now. I’m currently planning how to transition from here in a way where it feels less sad, but I think the grief probably has other ideas and it will work its way through in its own way.. thank you so much for sharing and articulating this so well.
Beautiful, profound. Thanks Anna. This resonated with me. We can't always have a meaningful project and life goes on in other ways, as seen here in your instalment :)
Hi Anna, when I started reading your newsletter (someone must have linked it from his/her own newsletter), I enjoyed your impulses, hints and your feeling fresh about the start into freelancing. Since I worked freelance for a much longer time it reminded me of the joy of the starting months, years. Thank you for that! This joy has quite disappeared by now (because of poor payment) but still not completely. Bon courage for ending and not ending! Melanie, Germany
Your post was so well-timed for me; it came out the day I re-launched my Substack newsletter after an 8-month hiatus. I felt so guilty and thought I'd I'd let people down by leaving, followed by self-doubt about coming back. I had to chuckle at the title of your post because to me, it felt like such a big event to come back but at the end of the day, no one died (it's just a newsletter!), the world kept going, and people were kind and responsive to my first post back. I'm curious to see how this new phase goes for me, as I surely have changed since I walked away; it's only natural for our newsletters and feelings towards them to also change, I suppose. Thanks for being honest about your emotions and relationship with your newsletter - it helped me to not feel so alone as I relaunched!
I felt this inside my soul. Purpose and structure and projects have a shelf life but the person who creates those things is fluid and constant. It’s so so hard to reconcile that with the need to grow beyond a beginning, especially when the tool remains the same. Writing. Writing is the constant. The “for what, to who, when, about what and how” will always, should always, change, just like you do. I love when these pop up and in many ways I love them more now they are not following any kind of rule, be that subject, rate, structure. You’re the constant that flows through the newsletter and I think it’s you we’re all still here for, in whatever shape you choose to share yourself.
Trying not to cry at this!!!
Hi Anna - writing doesn't always has to have a purpose unless you're being paid to churn out the words. It can be a lot of fun to share your thoughts with total strangers and see where it lands. I've just read your piece (I'm in Western Australia) and you've made me pause for a moment to reflect on my own life. Look forward to reading your next installment - Rhu
Thank you so much, Rhu 🥹
That was so profound and so relatable wow thank you for this raw honesty and vulnerability. I wish I had read this when I stopped (gave up?) On my journalism career, it would have helped me understand what I was feeling at the time and after that.
Thanks so much, Claire. I think a lot of what drives me to write about how work makes us feel is how bad I felt about my career for so long because these kinds of conversations weren't happening (or at least not in the circles I was in).
Wow, did this resonate - that is all. Glad to read it and connect
Comments like these are what keep me writing!
Thank you! I’ve had my ”professional brand” in Finnish creative market for 7 years (podcast, blog, speaking gigs etc.) and now that I’m pivoting, it feels so hard. Like I’m pulling an arm off, or both of them. It took me a whole year to actually say out loud (or write) that the podcast has ended. So hard! So this helped a lot, so thankful you took the time to write this. ☺️
A refreshing angle on "grief." Thank you!
Hi Anna,
I related this post to leaving my finance career two years ago. I'm happy I left. But I still have upsetting dreams about being back at the Firm in humiliating or soul crushing circumstances. Like you did with your newsletter, I left of my own accord, but the specter of loss is still there.
I was so glad to see your name and A-Mail pop up in my email. And glad to read an essay that made me understand myself better.
I always appreciate your comments and insights so much, David :)
I was talking to a friend recently who recently made a career change and she was saying she was mourning the loss of her former identity. Even when the next chapter is exciting, there's still something we're leaving behind.
Love this piece Anna. Like Hannah says below- we come back for your writing, regardless of the subject, because you have a way of really resonating. I always learn something, or am encouraged to reflect on my own freelancing/journalism journey. This time, I think you've really opened up that conversation about 'career loss' . Journalism and writing are real vocations: You don't fall into it, you work your arse off to get and then stay in it, and it becomes part of who you are. With so many journo layoffs and the crappy pay for freelancers, there must be loads of us all going through this loss of self/ reinvention of self. I think you've done a brilliant job through your newsletter over the years, of showing us that we can still be 'journalists' in identity even if we're earning most of our money elsewhere. I'm currently on a 'break' from journalism but hoping to go back to it in a reinvented form - your newsletter has helped me deal with feelings of failure around this and earning money from non journo work as a freelancer. So thank you! Be proud of your newsletter! Xxx
Loved this Anna! I’m just about to move from somewhere I’ve been living for 8 years and whilst it should be a happy move, I’ve been feeling a bubbling undercurrent of something ever since our offer was accepted. Reading your piece made me see it for what it is, ‘a no-one died kind of loss..’ It’s a loss I need to acknowledge as the place I’m in has been so special for me in so many ways, that is probably hadn’t acknowledged until now. I’m currently planning how to transition from here in a way where it feels less sad, but I think the grief probably has other ideas and it will work its way through in its own way.. thank you so much for sharing and articulating this so well.
Beautiful, profound. Thanks Anna. This resonated with me. We can't always have a meaningful project and life goes on in other ways, as seen here in your instalment :)
Hi Anna, when I started reading your newsletter (someone must have linked it from his/her own newsletter), I enjoyed your impulses, hints and your feeling fresh about the start into freelancing. Since I worked freelance for a much longer time it reminded me of the joy of the starting months, years. Thank you for that! This joy has quite disappeared by now (because of poor payment) but still not completely. Bon courage for ending and not ending! Melanie, Germany
Your post was so well-timed for me; it came out the day I re-launched my Substack newsletter after an 8-month hiatus. I felt so guilty and thought I'd I'd let people down by leaving, followed by self-doubt about coming back. I had to chuckle at the title of your post because to me, it felt like such a big event to come back but at the end of the day, no one died (it's just a newsletter!), the world kept going, and people were kind and responsive to my first post back. I'm curious to see how this new phase goes for me, as I surely have changed since I walked away; it's only natural for our newsletters and feelings towards them to also change, I suppose. Thanks for being honest about your emotions and relationship with your newsletter - it helped me to not feel so alone as I relaunched!